he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
