i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
