he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it's not cheating when I paid for it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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