That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.