i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
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I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.