my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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