Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
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my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger