You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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