Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
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Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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