So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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