Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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