Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Your dad touched me again.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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