So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
