Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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