Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
