just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
