just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
