hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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