I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
