fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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