i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
