I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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