he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
