just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize