just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
