His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
