Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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