i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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