it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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