I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Come share oat with me in your robe
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
