You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
