Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
