Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
