Can i not drive my cunt home
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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