you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
