I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
