I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
