...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We need to get me chipped asap
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
