You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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