I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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