dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i drank out of a bidet.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
