Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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