Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
