So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
