like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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