Where are you?
In a non slutty way
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
