dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I won the penis lottery.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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