I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
