maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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