Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
