he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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