It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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