Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
