god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize