WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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