How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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