If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
