Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
