ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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