I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
