I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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