If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
