meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
