i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
