Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
another moral hangover. fuck.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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