I can feel you judging me through the phone.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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