I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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