I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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