i think i have herpe
just one?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
