You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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