I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
