I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
