Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
