Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
