Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
