The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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