just tell him i said nine months
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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