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Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
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