I wannas sexs uuuuu
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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