Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer