you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
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He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm