worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
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I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
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Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged