i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
