I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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