im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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